IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING . . .

As you watched "Real Time" last Friday on HBO who the puffy GOPologist of the week was - this woman who kept trying to offer up excuses for the war, the U.S. Attorney firing fiasco, and other assorted talking points, LOST was curious as well. So lookie what a "Google" for "Lisa Schiffren" came up with (emphasis is LOST's - and oh so timely too):

BY LISA SCHIFFREN
Friday, May 9, 2003 12:01 a.m. EDT

I had the most astonishing thought last Thursday. After a long day of hauling the kids to playdates and ballet, I turned on the news. And there was the president, landing on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln, stepping out of a fighter jet in that amazing uniform, looking--how to put it?--really hot. Also presidential, of course. Not to mention credible as commander in chief. But mostly "hot," as in virile, sexy and powerful.

You don't see a lot of that in my neighborhood, the Upper West Side of Manhattan. (I'm told there's more of it in the "red" states.) I was mesmerized. I flipped around watching W. land on many channels. I watched the whole speech, which was fine. But a business suit just doesn't do it the way a flight suit does. In the course of this I peeked over at my husband, the banker. He was in his third month of reading a book about the Six Day War and didn't seem to notice.

Nonetheless, I know that I am not the only one who entertained these untoward thoughts. The American media were fully aware of how stunning the president looked last week. And they chose to defuse it by referring endlessly to the "photo-oppiness" of the event. The man uses overwhelming military force to vanquish a truly evil foe, facing down balking former "allies," and he is not taken seriously as a foreign-policy president. He out top-guns the Hollywood version, and all the media can talk about is the impending campaign commercial.

With a few exceptions: Brian Williams shook his head in awe at the clip and said, if I may paraphrase, "that, ladies and gentlemen, is a president at the pinnacle of success, having just won a war." The New York Post ran the hot shot on its front page. And Newsweek called it a photo-op but gave the president what can only be called a centerfold.

We all say things we wish we could take back, but this one? Thank you Google, this kind of drivel should keep someone from ever publicly speaking out on any topic ever again.

"EXTRA! EXTRA! RONNIE'S RUGGERS EAT THEIR OWN!"


So Ronald Reagan gets the blame for the anomaly that finds the GOP standing in the sewage of nepotism, self-dealing and moral duality up to their navels, yet waxing nostalgic about the smell of the jasmine flowers? Fascinating, never knew that until today. Nope, LOST just thought that Reagan was the intended namesake of all things public on all levels of the very government he labeled as "the problem" decades ago.

LOST particularly despises the naming, on the campus of the beloved alma mater, of a large medical office building after Saint Ronnie. Reagan, who did so much for the University of California during his 8 year reign of terror in Sacramento. Good lord, if y'all want to be hyprocrites among yourselves, be LOST's guest. Knock yourselves out. But ixnay on the exportationay, already!

So it is with some amusement that today's news bears tales of the 2008 GOP hopefuls turning on one another. Could it be that the rank stench of an oozing pustule of rank avarice and contradiction like Tom DeLay has finally driven them over the edge, and away from Ronnie's Omerta? Or is it that their "All-Star" graft roster has burst at the seams - populated as it is by the bug man, the Dukester, Joe Renzi, Bernie Kerik, Bob Ney, Richard Pombo, Katherine Harris, Jerry Lewis, Mike Brown, Alberto Gonzales, Harriett Miers, Jack Abramoff, and others yet-to-be-named? Is it a form of that last gasping gagging blurt caused by staying silent for so long while serial adulterers like Gingrich pontificated on about the Clinton abuse of fidelity, or while vile, drug addled bloatables like Rush railed self righteously at all things "lib-rul," while tap dancing around the embarrassment of ther own, oh so imperfect behavior?

NAHHHHHHHHHHHH. Its just about winning. And, hoo boy, is it fun to watch!!

YOU WERE RIGHT, BOBBY

PROVO, Utah - Vice President Dick Cheney told Brigham Young University graduates on Thursday to savor second chances and be prepared for the unexpected throughout life in a commencement address that stirred up protests in one of the nation's most Republican states . . . But the war in Iraq has weakened support for the White House. Cheney critics at BYU have questioned whether he sets a good example for graduates . . . Outside, the protesters on campus were not allowed to chant or make noise or attack The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, said Darren Jackson, 22, president-elect of the College Democrats.

Bobby Kennedy was right about those tiny ripples of hope. A "College Democrats" organization at a Mormon conservative (yeah, pardon LOST's redundancy) stronghold? LOST can't wait for those walls of oppression and resistance to come tumbing down.

TAIBBI ROCKS AGAIN

Molly Ivins has been gone for almost three months now, and one can only speculate - poorly LOST might add - what kind of droll witticisms that she'd have woven about Gonzo, Scooter, and the unraveling of the DOJ and countless other recently revealed Shrub screw-ups. Or what kind of insightful tenderness which she might have used in describing last week's vile happenings in Blacksburg.

Matt Taibbi may never be confused with Molly Ivins, nor his writing confused with the homespun flaying of the power-addicted that typified ol' Molly's work, but he's clearly writing with a sardonic wit that is going to establish him among progressive pundits for years to come. In what many might hope would be the final word on Imus, Matt tears open the curtain and bathes the sanctimony of the mainstream media in the cleansing light of caustic truth:

First of all, let's just get this out of the way: The idea that anyone in the media world gives a shit about the dignity of women, black or white, is a ridiculous joke. America's TV networks have spent the last forty years falling over each other trying to find better and more efficient ways to sell tits to the 18-to-35 demographic. They make hour-long prime-time reality dramas these days about shopping-obsessed sluts hitting each other with pocketbooks, for Christ's sake. Paris Hilton -- dumb, rich -- gets her own prime-time show. MTV, the teenie mags, the pop music industry, they're basically all an endless parade of skinny, half-naked brainless women selling makeup and jeans to neurotic, self-hating, weight-obsessed little girls.

Read the whole article. And the next time you hear some media talking head pontificate about Imus shredding "Decency" - muse about Matt's article, and smile

WHAT WOULD THE PARENTS SAY?

Yesterday, in LOST's local parish, the Saturday evening Mass featured a homily provided by the recently minted permanent deacon to join the faith. Ah, the Permanent Deaconate. You know, married guys that have to go through nearly every class and bit of training that the Boyz n the (priest)hood have to endure - and their wives do too. They can assist at Mass, and even preside at Weddings, as LOST and the Mrs. know from first hand experience. Ah, the tale of the Deacon who presided over LOST's nuptials is a sordid one that shall not be repeated here; suffice to say it has left LOST and the Mrs. to contemplate a vow renewal on more than one occasion.

Our Deacon ignored the big news story of the week for Catholics - the relegation of "Limbo" to the discard pile, where it could commiserate with Saint Christopher, the geocentric Universe and other atavistic articles of the faith. This Deacon weaved a tale of the early Church's struggles - reflective of the readings from the Second Sunday of Easter - tales of Peter heroically rebuking the Sanhedrin, of Peter encountering the Risen Christ after an all night fishing excursion, the three times being asked "Simon, Son of John, do you love me?" As if the trio of questions were undoing the three denials. But where the Deacon veered from the roadway and over the cliff in LOST's estimation was in the apocryphal statement that the "Church as a whole is under attack for the actions of a few." For LOST, it was a clear swipe at the molestation litigation crisis - as sore a subject as there could be here in San Diego, where the local collared crowd has retreated into Bankruptcy court. But the oft repeated twin poles of deception - that the suits are an "Attack" and that the clerical malefactors are few in number are horribly disingenuous in a way that only Rupert Murdoch and Karl Rove could love.

As to the first pole, an "attack" requires an attacker. A normal person does not slice his own abdomen and then credibly claim victimhood. It is illogical and deceptive in the extreme. The litigations faced by the Church - - LOST's Church and that of his parents, their parents and so on, are the result of self-inflicted wounds. The initial failure to regulate internal behavior properly, coupled with the decades long (centuries even?) efforts to ignore, deny and otherwise deflect the outcries of those who truly were victimized. That the Church leadership seems to be requiring or insisting that its current parish-level leadership yelp from the pulpit about victimhood evokes memories of the Menendez brothers seeking pre-trial judicial sympathy on the ground that they had been orphaned.

Which of course brings us to the second issue, that these are the actions of a few. The Church has consistently pushed as a talking point few things more ardently than the number of predators is "small - only about 2% of those in ministry" who are the targets of credible accusation. Let's ignore the convenience of that number - dependent as it is upon the willingness of those violated to put aside their fears and the shame, and step forward. How much fun it must be for the accuser to come forward and level an accusatory finger at someone who, for the majority of an unsuspecting congregation is a beloved, respected parental surrogate in a local faith community.

No, the unspokent convenience of this talking point is its complete disregard for the number of those in active ministry who, though they didn't actively participate in the unspeakable acts of violating the young faithful, had knowledge of it and chose not to act. This runs the gamut from those in the predators' peer group who sensed something odd going on, from those pastors who could see evidence of strange bonds between cleric and child, all the way up to those crozier carriers who knew - who were told - and who yet chose to shell game the perpetrators off to the next parish. Now, LOST has no idea what that number or percentage is - but it has to substantially exceed 2%. And we're talking about men who are still there, without sanction for their failure to speak out, yet responsible in some tangible degree for the perpetuation of the problem. How many of these same non-actors are now speaking the "attack" talking point from the pulpit? How many are alsospeaking individually to others that the "Scandal" is a mere creation of greedy lawyers and unscrupulous newspaper publishers.

Sure, Greed is real, and is part of the scandal's aftermath. It richly deserves its place as one of the Seven Deadlies, and it does in fact permeate the culture. Nor can anyone deny that journalism is not at its historical zenith of informing the public. Yet these are at best distractions - the actions of those desperate to cling to power and influence. Perhaps its just another manifestation of the very same greed? Whatever the reason, the use of these talking points is an impediment to true healing in the Church, and it should end immediately.

WHERE TO START?

So much going on this week. The tragedy at Virginia Tech was heart renching, the media aftermath was an embarrassment of similar magnitude. ALL of the networks recreated the Oklahoma land rush in Blacksburg, each wanting to be the first to stick the most microphones and vid cams into as many grief stricken faces as possible. Then the revelation that General Electric Broadcasting got a pack of pictures and video from the shooter himself, and the blather acquired a new dimension. GE showing the pics and video, sandwiched between loud, barely-stifled chortles of "He chose US, HE LIKES US!", while the others, led by The Mouse Net, self righteously carped on about shame-on-GE-for- showing-this-awful-footage-and-exploiting-a-madman-and-hurting-the-victims - - wait-here's-a-victim-now-let's-ask-her-how-much-worse-do-you-feel-since-GE-showed-those-awful-images?

Does anyone wanna bet that the next time a savagely sick event like this happens - and it will again, Thank you National RIFLE Association for keeping the fetters off the patriotic right to buy one semi-automatic pistol a month - that the shooter chooses a different network to devise his last shrill and testament to, and they'll excitedly run with it, too?

Speaking of excitement, how can we not talk about Alberto Gonzales' testimony this past Thursday? Okay, maybe "excitement" is the wrong word - in fact this may be an "it" issue. But the AG supposedly secludes himself for over 2 weeks "Preparing" for this testimony before the Senate, and this is as good as it gets? 77 "I don't recalls" and a failure to grab for the few meager leading-question bones his one time apologists and supporters tossed him. LOST counted at least six instances where Senator Lindsay "JAG-in-Drag" Graham from South Carolina tried "question" Gonzales in ways that would have required no more than a "Yes Senator" - which would have at least created some rehabilitative instances in the transcript, but Gonzales was either too stupid or way too wary by then to take them for the olive branches they were. LOST doesn't think the AG is dumb - outside of his choice in political leaders, at least, so the latter explanation seems more plausible. After all, there was a bi-partisan chorus of grey haired white guys all singning the same barbecue ditty, and Dianne Feinstein was holding a big bowl of basting sauce with a tennis racket sized brush.

Through it all this week, the Prez still found time for more town hall meetings - a term in this White House which means a carefully planned, scripted media event in front of a hand picked audience of sycophants who are warmed up by piped in audio from the Rush O'Hanitwit Radio show and who are fed a pre-meeting meal of Savage Wieners and sauerkraut. This all begs several questions, such as 1. Are there still enough people in the country unabashedly willing to stand or sit or otherwise be propped up behind this President?; 2. If so, can they be herded on buses from one "meeting site" to another (it saves time in the "pre-screening" process); 3. If the audiences are screened, aren't the questions screened as well? 4. and if the questions are screened (hell EVERY interview of any public figure anymore has the questions pre-screened, so who is LOST kidding with that "If") wouldn'tcha think the President could do a better job with answering questions that he knows are coming, like ratlling off the ways that Iraq and Viet Nam are different? Watching him stumble-bum that question - above all others, almost evoked sympathy. You know, the way the the orphan status of the Menendez boys almost evoked pre-trial sympathy for them, too.

NERO SEEKS CZAR

Because a Secretary of Defense, a Secretary of State, a bunch of Joint Chiefs of Staff and a Commander in Chief are simply not enough:

""The very fundamental issue is, they don't know where the hell they're going," said retired Marine Gen. John J. "Jack" Sheehan, a former top NATO commander who was among those rejecting the job. Sheehan said he believes that Vice President Cheney and his hawkish allies remain more powerful within the administration than pragmatists looking for a way out of Iraq. "So rather than go over there, develop an ulcer and eventually leave, I said, 'No, thanks,' " he said. "

Maybe Brownie is available? How 'bout that medal-earnin' Civilian successificator Paul Bremer? I know, I know, I know, Rummy deserves one last chance!!!!

ONLY IN DC

From the Detroit News, not The Onion. Really.

Plug it in, fire it up, Mr. President

The Detroit News April 7

Credit Ford Motor Co. CEO Alan Mulally with saving the leader of the free world from self-immolation.

Mulally told journalists at the New York auto show that he intervened to prevent President Bush from plugging an electrical cord into the hydrogen tank of Ford's hydrogen-electric plug-in hybrid at the White House last week. Ford wanted to give the Commander-in-Chief an actual demonstration of the innovative vehicle, so the automaker arranged for an electrical outlet to be installed on the South Lawn and ran a charging cord to the hybrid. However, as Mulally followed Bush out to the car, he noticed someone had left the cord lying at the rear of the vehicle, near the fuel tank.

"I just thought, 'Oh my goodness!' So, I started walking faster, and the President walked faster and he got to the cord before I did. I violated all the protocols. I touched the President. I grabbed his arm and I moved him up to the front," Mulally said. "I wanted the president to make sure he plugged into the electricity, not into the hydrogen This is all off the record, right?"

Yep, El Shrubbo nearly Hindenburged himself, Darth, the Ford CEO, and most of the White House. Not even LOST could make this stuff up.