BACK FROM HUMIDITY WORLD

Eight days of swelter - on a scale previously unfamiliar to LOST, a California native. Eight days of sensory overload - in the way that only the twisted Mouse worshippers can deliver. Woe to you Six Flags! Stand aside Anheuser Busch! Knotts, Schmotz! That hollow empty sound is the echoing black hole that is LOST's wallet, cleaned out by Disney's denizens of the Sweltering southeast, no different from the countless millions who flock to central Florida annually for the privilege of being fiscally pecked to death in 2 to 6 dollar increments over a days long period of time.

Things that can be positively said: The Disney engineering team does a tremendous job of creating PG rated thrills that seem far worse. Their marketing people do the rest, and so it is their parks - not the Universal facilities - that pack people in. And, thankfully, the bottled water in the park is a mere 2 bucks for 24 ounces - almost half the price of the same item in the Anaheim rendition, and a great break considering that Orlando tap water smells and tastes like it came out of one of the lesser caverns of the nether world - sulfury-swampy, not at all appetizing. The Animal Kingdom park is a fine fine experience, and has plenty of shaded nooks and crannies for fending off the mid-day roast. The Disney-MGM studios is a fun park as well, and their Rock n Roller Coaster and Tower of Terror rides are on the mark. The Disney Water parks are a literal oasis in the midst of Summer heat. Epcot's English Pub pours great imported drafts.

The not-as-good: If you venture to Disney MGM, run, don't walk, past the Drew Carey "Sounds Dangerous" show. It is the seven most un-funny minutes in Disney history - save for perhaps any of the "Herbie" movies - it is completely in the dark, and if the air conditioner isn't working (as it wasn't on the day LOST and family attended) the place smells like pee. Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, howdja like the play? Also, be ready to see uber-marketing taken to an unholy extreme. Nearly every ride dumps one into a gift shop. Nearly unavoidable. Stay the hell away from the "Primeval Whirl" ride at Animal Kingdom, unless you like vomit flirtations. This ride is a bit like combining the tea cups with an industrial washing machine. Definitely do not ride this ride and then try the Everest expedition. The nausea-synergy will stop you dead in your tracks.

The truly awful: Universal's City walk. A multi story concrete monument to Carnies, accessible mainly by a drive through places that would make the noxious parts of Buena Park and La Palma blush with embarrassment. The weather. While flying in at 10:45 pm, just in time to pick up the rental car before the reps all turn into pumpkins, the outside temp was a chilly 91 with an estimated 85% relative humidity. A three yard walk produced a two gallon ooze. In that kind of persistent heat, crowds of people - especially large people (of which the buffets of the area have enabled mightily) - become rather ripened over the course of the day.

That's the nutshell. Pictures and further comments to follow as the debriefing and return to regular existence continue.