SCAVENGING THE REMNANTS OF DIGNITY

Yes, resist that temptation to try and stuff James Carville and his equally creepy spouse of convenience back into your box of Halloween decorations, and shout out, "Huzzah!" Not for the winners, or the sleaziest of the losers now slinking out of town - no wait, over to "K" Street where the "Help Wanted" signs are up for the "Holiday Sliming season," nope, not for which measure that passed or failed or what message was sent to whom concerning what issue. Nor even for the loudmouths of AM radio, desperately grasping for a talking point with traction (like the Dems won without saying what they stand for, or they only won because they've gone Conservative or other assorted Merde)Shout out for the respite from idiotic sound-byte commercials trying to dumb down people, and explain complex multi page ballot measures with a catch phrase. No more reflexive ear cringes from those radio words "The following is a paid political announcement!" AIEEEEGHH! It even sparks nausea to write it. And don't get LOST even started on "I'm Slick Pantywaist, and I approve this message." How come nobody ever asked me if I approved? Of course they're afraid of the answer - HELL NO!


All those damn ads are gone, gone, gone until probably January of 2008, when they'll start trying to tell us how caring and charismatic Hillary is, or how prinicipled and integrity laden is Saint McCain. Why not tell me that Marlboros will make the poorly dimensioned parts of me grow, and those that I want smaller to shrink - - its on the same level of veracity, now, isn't it?

But enough about returning the airwaves to the commercials we really love, like the ones for Tampax and Prepration H. Lets talk about the election. It looks an awful lot like the classic tale of "Be Careful what you ask for, 'cause you just might get it." Are Messers Schumer and Emmanuel and Dean going to wake up some morning this month and do a McCauley Culkin face in the mirror and go "OOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" when they realize that, yes they won, and now they got to pick up all the crap left behind by the six year long toga Party that was the Republican domination of the Congress? The war in Iraq is a clusterf--- - oops, can't say that, 'cause Mom still reads this from time to time; the national debt has grown bigger than Bill Bennett after a Vegas poker and porker fest, the rivers are a mercurial mess, the car companies are nearing bankruptcy - along with the airlines, the Chinese hold more of our markers, the Gulf Coast is still in disrepair, the ports are still unpredicted, the borders are still porous as hell, Osama is still alive, the Afghan Poppy crop is unprecedented, and for Heaven's sake, Dick Cheney still is one drunken mountain bike ride away from killing us all in the name of Halliburton's bottom line. Who'd want this job, and are they up to the task?

The rubber stamp days are over. The war has to end, and soon. There'll be no third wingnut Justice to join Scalito and Peppermint Patty. We're finally in position to find out what we already believe - that Ken Lay chaired the secret Energy Task force, and taught DIck and Dub some of his favorite accounting tactics for use with the war budgeting. Something will be done to bring sensible security to the ports and borders, and yes maybe even to address illegal immigration (Holy grail, boys and girls, get something done with this one and steal the last "issue" these scandalous bastards have to whine about). Let No Child Left Behind run away, let the richest tax cuts die, or Kevork them early, same with the Estate (no, not the Death tax, only the richest dead ever pay it). Oh and time to issue a Marshall Plan style edict - get America to the petrochemical methadone clinic and treat our oil addiction effectively, once and for all. And after the first hundred days are done, come back for some more ideas. LOST will be waiting, folks.