NO LONGER A PLANET? THROW AWAY THOSE SCIENCE BOOKS!



Unbelievable as it may sound, Pluto has gone the way of Saint Christopher, Bigfoot, and Milli Vanilli. A Panel of international Astronomers meeting in Prague today voted on Percival Lowell's discovery, and its official. Pluto has been downgraded from a Category 1 Planet to a Jovian Asteroid

Reached for comment in the White House Rose Garden, a visibly distraught President Bushhad this to say, "Nobody could have anticipated the deplanetization of Pluto. I call upon all nations to put out an APB on known suspects Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, who've been plotting this evil traves - this crime for some time to come. Your either with us, or your against the Magic Kingdom. Now watch this chip shot."

Following a brief discusson with aides, President Bush added, "Oh, THAT Pluto?"

The removal of Pluto from the once sacrosanct list of 9 planets is expected to have some far reaching implications. Major League Baseball owners, for one, are expected to follow suit, and vote in post-World Series Winter Meetings to eliminate the Shortstop from the field, and require Second basemen to adopt a playing position more adjacent to the base which they are supposed to be covering. The First Monday in October is expected to herald the unprecedented resignation of one of the Justices of the Supreme Court, with no follow up effort to replace same. Early oddsmakers in London and Las Vegas have opened with Clarence Thomas as the odds on favorite to resign, by accident, after being duped by the others into signing a blank resignation letter. Hispanic Posadas are expected to begin on December 17th this year, one day later than normal.
Pressed for time golfers are eagerly anticipating the shortening of regulation courses to sixteen holes, and their joy is eclisped only by course owners who will now expand their tennis and spa operations by using the retired two holes on each course. No word yet from how pit bosses and other craps professionals will adapt to the anticipated gaming changes in casinos all over the world.