YOU KNOW YOU'RE STILL REPUBLICAN IF . . .

Okay, okay, Jimmy Lohman's recent contribution to Buzzflash gets credit for this inspiration, and let's face it, he probably got some of his from spending formative years reading "MAD Magazine," but there are even more of these that could be extended . . so LOST's appear betwixt and between Jimmy's fine effort.



You are more upset about Brokeback Mountain than Abu Ghraib.

George Clooney and Alec Baldwin are Hollywood Loonies, but my how you love Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis

You can’t stand Hilary Clinton’s hair but you have no problem with Tom DeLay’s.

Condi is a wonderfully cerebral woman, but Barbara Boxer is a crazy B*tch

You think Global Warming is no big deal but environmentalists are a major problem.

You're convinced that teachers' unions have destroyed public schools, rather than the mass exodus to the private schools by upwardly mobile "haves" and "have mores"

You support the "war on drugs" but think Rush Limbaugh is being prosecuted unfairly.

You're convinced that Bill Clinton murdered people who got in his way even though he was never charged, but that Karl Rove and and Scooter Libby deserve a presumption of innocence

You think professional athletes make too much money but Sam Walton’s kids deserve everything they have.

You think union workers have priced manufacturing jobs out of the U.S. Economy, but that CEOs of lagging corporations like Ford and GM deserve to make 7 or 8 - figure salaries

You like the way George Bush walks.

The mere mention of the name "Clinton" makes you viscerally shudder

You think Al Gore is "wooden" and Donald Rumsfeld has charisma.

You admire Alberto Gonzales' legal acumen, but think Janet Reno was a dyke-puppet

You think CNN is biased but Fox News is neutral.

You think all of the Network News outlets are pinko-liberal run, even though they're owned by major corporations

You like the sound of Newt Gingrich’s voice.

You'd like to muzzle Ted Kennedy



You are sure the United States has the best education and health care systems in the world.

You think that the millions of uninsured are just lazy, cheap or "illegals"

You think Dick Cheney is a straight shooter.

You think Howard Dean is rabid-crazy

You think Michael Chertoff’s beard makes him look distinguished.

You Thought Tom Daschle was smarmy-slimy looking

You think the problem with our health care system is lawyers.

You think Cindy Sheehan is giving aid and comfort to terrorists

You think it was more important to locate Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress than to locate weapons of mass destruction.

You think that we're winning the war in Iraq

You don’t believe "terrorism" has made Rudy Giuliani an incredibly rich man.

You believe that Michael Moore hates America, but that Ann Coulter is just being "funny"

You believe freedom of speech covers everything Pat Robertson says and does, but burning a flag should be illegal.

You believe that the Federal Government did all it could to help New Orleans out with Katrina, but that the Mayor and Louisiana Governor gunked things up there

You can be in the same room with Brit Hume.

You think Dan Rather is a commie, and your not so sure about that Brokaw character, either



You have yourself convinced that the country and world are better off now than 5 years ago.

You think that the Average American owns a home and at least two SUVs

Come on, my 3 or 4 Loyal readers, play along. You know you can think of a few more of these . . .!