WANTED FOR CRIMES AGAINST . . . CHRISTMAS?




One of LOST's good ol' boy buddies - a decent man whose head has been stuffed far too long in the psychic excrement that flows like pressurized pipeline from the fevered brain of Michael Savage and other assorted closed-minders - sent LOST a poem knockoff of "The Night Before Christmas" which recounts the dozen or so absolutely truly apocryphal ways that Christmas is under attack from God-and-America-hating Secular Progressives who love bin Laden, Hitler and Charlie Manson. Fascinating reading it was. LOST had no idea that all those liberals on Wall Street and Madison Avenue had ingeniously conspired to make us helpless Americans salivate at the sound of the sale bell and prostrate ourselves in homage before a giant-sized cast stone replica of a Macy's 20% off coupon, and in so doing throw Jesus Mary and Joseph under the nearest bus. Shame on them godless, queerboy gun hating humanists.

LOST had no idea whatsoever how far that this creeping Godlessness had slithered! Oh my, they weren't callin' 'em Christmas Trees no more! The stores - LOTS of stores - were having Ramadan and Kwanzaa sales, while evil non-breeder Libs danced around in rainbow colored burkhas! SHIT! These Islamofascist bastards are everywhere, destroying our creches and peeing on angels and telling us all how to worship! We gotta stop that, right? RIGHT? And listening to Bill O'Reilly and company is a great way to start, isn't it?

And lord don't the Mainstream churches get into it now, too? My second parish home away from home parish featured a Sunday sermon 2 sundays back about "Elf" the horrendous movie featuring Will Ferrell (stifle - I hear you already, saying "whaddya mean 'THE' horrendous movie . . . ?"), complaining that the baby Jesus hadn't been worked in there somewhere and that this movie, too was part of the insidious march of the Atheistic Sugar Plum demons.

Well, yeah, except for to quote Phil Leotardo "a coupla three things." Or more. The Christmas tree is not mentioned in Matthew, Mark, Luke or John. Not even a line or two in Revelation. Its borrowed from pagan Solstice celebrations; yet there's been at least two of 'em in every Catholic Church LOST has attended in nearly 50 years (yes, FIFTY - since Eisenhower was President) during the Holiday Season. Was there a loud hue and cry of that sacrilege then?

LOST's kids went to their CCD Christmas party and had a gift exchange, with all the presents wrapped in pretty red and green paper. Short of using swaddling clothes for wrapping, what Christian tradition is gift buying again?

What of the music of the Season? For every "Silent Night" there's a "Silver Bells" and a "Sleigh Ride" which speak about those long held Christian Holiday traditions of shopping to you drop, and eating til you burst.

That's it, isn't time to indict Andy Williams on heresy charges - especially since that rascally Nat King Cole "died" and got off scott free? Those Chestnuts weren't being roasted open fire by the Shepherds - or any wise men for that matter.

Or would it be better off if we took a step back and realized that, just like the recently posited, idiotic (yeah that's a fancier way of saying brain-deadly stupid) notion that celebrating Halloween was tantamount to devil worship, this clap trap about Wars on Christmas is a yule log of bullshit, conjured up by religious nutcases who see the Virgin Mary in French Toast and Satan lurking in every record store, and that corporate right wing media has glomed onto it for fun and Seasonal profit, just like Macy's, Target, Nordstroms and Wal-Mart have? "Christmas" is under attack by those who would use Christ for cover of their own seedy doings, not by purveyors of reindeer and snowmen as iconic Seasonal symbols.