INTO THE MAINSTREAM WITH IT, NOW

It dawned on LOST in the aftermath of intense disgust with the spontaneous spine collapses of Senators Feinstein and Schumer on Michael "I'm-not-sure-waterboarding-IS-torture" Mukasey that the disgust is misplaced. Maybe it was learning about "SWOT" analysis recently. For those who don't know and might care, "SWOT" is an analytical tool acronym, it stands for "Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats." And lawdy lawdy, didja know that frequently "threats and Opportunities are the same thing, just stated a little differently? Neato, huh?

So that whole thing got LOST to thinking. Maybe "waterboarding" is not a threat to American servicemen and women abroad, or Americans serving in any capacity overseas. NOOOOOOOO! Waterboarding - since we're not sure it's torturous, can be like duct tape. It could have a thousand different uses! Got a client or debtor who never seems to have the scratch to pay you back? Simple, All you need is the Ronco Home Waterboarding Kit, and presto, you'll have that guy begging to give you the cash back with interest. Can't get a straight answer from a boss about expectations on an assignment, or a performance review, or a raise? Simple, Ronco to the rescue - you'll get all the straight scoop right away, as soon as the chief stops gagging. Or what about that troublesome little creep at the local Home Depot store that always disappears when you're about to ask about proper bolt sizes or paint colors, or where the furnace filters have been moved to (Again)? simple, lash him down and pour pour pour. Wont' be a few minutes but he'll be percolatin all sorts of useful info about any in store items - and you may even get a few discouns you weren't expecting, too. If it just might be okay by the Attorney General - and most of the United States Senate, then its good enough for you and me. So, move over Tony Robbins, and kick that little runty mensch Richard Simmons to the curb. With Waterboarding as your ally, you won't need selp help - you can just help yourself to whatever you need or want. It's just a pitcher or two away.