FDA APPROVES LABORATORY TESTING ON TROJAN ALUMNI

The Food and Drug Administration approved sweeping rules changes that will permit the testing of household products, foods, and previously untested pharmaceuticals upon USC Trojan Alumni, today, bringing relief to a scientific community which was becoming concerned about such testing on laboratory mice.

Dr. Hugh Jass, a spokesman for Merck Pharmaceuticals, summarized the research community's plight this way:

"Essentially, our problems with the rodents were three fold, and this approval to use Trojan alums is a boon to the industry. Frankly, our researchers were beginning to develop attachments to the rodents, making some of the more painful research difficult. This will no longer be a concern. Neither will the supply problems encountered with rodents, as ten thousand new alumni are created every year. Finally, even the most disciplined of researchers, those directed enough to avoid the attachment issues and worries over supply concerns, still recognize that there are simply some things that a rodent will not do. This, too, will no longer be a problem, thanks to these new guidelines."