THIS BOOK OF DANIEL IS FARCICAL




Okay, okay, so Mrs. LOST and I watch very little television together. Save for the Daily Show and the occasional college football game, it’s a rare event, as Mrs. LOST hates to sit still for any length of time – clearly not the time necessary to watch an hour long TV show – let alone a 2 hour debut. This is true despite her one time fixations with ER and West Wing, but I digress.

Last evening we nestled in to watch NBC’s heavily promoted “Book of Daniel,” built around an Anglican priest named Daniel Webster (yes, he’s a descendant we’re told) struggling to hold a parish together, deal with sectarian politics (Daddy’s a Bishop), and lead a family which would make the Bundys seem almost Cleaveresque. One son is a quietly (Bishop grandpa doesn’t know) but un-closeted gay aspiring med student, another adopted son (replacing a predeceased natural child?) is an Asian Austin Powers, shagging nightly, and the daughter – as we are told from the beginning scenes, sells mail order dope to support her Japanese comic strip avocation. Oh, and Mom never goes anywhere without her galvanized metal cocktail shaker. Sounds pretty normal so far, right?

Did I mention that Father Daniel eats Vicodin like some kids eat M & M’s, and he talks to Jesus, who will apparently have an ongoing cameo role until next month’s cancellation. It isn’t like this 21st century “Soap” with a Roman collar is more offensive than South Park’s recent over the top attempt to stroke out William O. Donohue (the Archie Bunker sound-a-like who heads the “Catholic Leaque” – he’s enough to make a normal Catholic want to declare Free Agency to be picked up by the Presbyterians); Its that the show is simply too full of glib banter by a cast chock full of flawed frauds that it can’t even be called campy. It needs that missing “r.”

Take the opening episode. After the late night trip to the precinct, we find Father Daniel dealing with the apparent embezzlement of 3 million dollars in school building funds by his sister-in-law’s husband, who later turns up dead. This occurs not before we find the good Father touching base with his Catholic counterpart – played unconvincingly by Nick Tortelli, and asking Father “Nick” to ask his “associates” – in the mob – to investigate the disappearance. Just when a beleagured Catholic like LOST is thinking “oh, finally, a TV show that points out that other denominations have some shortcomings, too,” NBC plumbs that old Catholic-coppo connection, with a most predictable outcome.

Along the way we’re introduced also to some well-heeled, uber-obnoxious bigoted parish front-bencher types, well played by recognizable faces, and a younger Bishop played by Ellen Burstyn. Her role seems geared toward making one think that Vicodin abuse is a quaint ritual among the clergy. All this tied together with a scene closure schtick borrowed from “Wild Wild West.” Oddly enough, the latter winds up more plausible than “Book” simply because Daniel’s extended brood is just too strange to make it all work. Even a joke-cracking Jesus can’t save this one.

Perhaps the germ of truth embedded in this gobbler is that there is no such thing as a "normal family," and to the extent that we all could use a reminder of that now and again (be it for reassurance purposes or for a dose of humility), that message is not without value.Still, the show's effort to drive that point home is about as subtle as a marching band in a mortuary. But don’t take LOST’S word for it. Tune in some Friday this month and decide for yourself. Just don’t wait too long. This one’s headed for Limbo in a matter of weeks, and don’t look for Bill Frist or Henry Hyde to legislate installation of the show’s feeding tube.