BANDINI MOUNTAIN TO GET NAME CHANGE, HISTORICAL CONTENT

Spectrum Brands, the parent company of Bandini lawn products, announced this weekend that it was revamping its once ubiquitous marketing program involving "Bandini Mountain," by giving the landmark a much needed name change and make over.

"The Bandini Mountain ideal fit our country well for its time, which was a fascination with worldwide athletic competition," noted Spectrum CEO P.L. DeHeyerndeeper, in a rare Sunday morning briefing. "But we think that the 21st Century dawned and Americans have changed with the century. Today's American yard owner recognizes the importance of history and sense of National Identity. Spectrum is ready to meet that challenge, and that is why 'Bandini Mountain' will be forevermore known as 'Mount Slackmore.'"

When it re-appears in a full scale multi-media marketing blitz coinciding with Super Bowl XV in January, 2006, Mount Slackmore will be featured prominently in Bandini advertisements, which will be set to patriotic and martial music.

"Ours is a new American Century," noted DeHeyerndeeper, "and Americans will note right away that the skiers have been supplanted." Instead, in honor of President Bush's ambitious eclipsing of Ronald Reagan's record for days off while President, Mount Slackmore will prominently feature the bust of the 43rd President of the United States, fashioned completely out of steer manure.

"We're excited about the Slackmore concept, and what it will mean not just for our product line, but what it will mean for America," said deHeyerndeeper. "Frankly, this administration has come to personnify the essence of Bandini over the past five years: fertile, fragrant, exciting, and supportive of growth and development. If there were room at the peak - and of course fewer difficulties inherent in sculpting with this medium, we'd be featuring the entire Bush Cabinet on top of the mountain."

Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman was unabashedly pleased by this development. "Mount Slackmore is yet another step in the recoginition of our country of the significant contributions made to America's greatness by the Bush White House. We're still working on that Reagan dime, too. So many Americans have come to recognize that Roosevelt was little more than a drugged-out gimpy Socialist wimp who went to war to secure his tenure of office. Ronald Reagan was a true American hero. At the very least, if he doesn't make the dime, We're confident that the Spectrum folks will carve out his own niche on Mount Slackmore."